The Usual Suspects of Every Concert


Welcome to For Your Consideration, I am Nicholas La Torre and I am here to present relevant issues in music that are on my mind. I will present multiple sides of the issue for you to consider and ultimately we will try to gauge your thoughts on the issue. In today's talk, I'm taking a satirical look at the typical groups represented at each and every concert.

Every concert you go to seems to have a diverse smattering of folks where the influence based on genre has less to do with the crowd than what you originally would have guessed. While some music festivals do attract a particular sort of audience, you always have what I like to think of as "the usual suspects" who are in attendance at seemingly every show. Lets explore...

The Makeout Couple

No matter what show you attend, there is always that couple who tends to be focused way more on each other than they are any other part of the show. The title is actually quite generous considering what some of these couples get into as the night goes on. It seems as though they believe the crowd creates more of an intimate, private setting rather than the actual overwhelmingly public sector that it really is. While these two are eating each other's tongues, those around them cannot help but be disgusted, but with a tinge of respect for their brazen efforts. They give no effs.

The Glory Day Revelers

These folks may be my favorite of all, not only because I'm quickly getting closer to this status every time I attend another show. These folks come in from all walks of life and you might never recognize them in any other environment. But when they get a chance to forget the kids and their jobs for a few moments, they do it up right. Most glory day revelers have to balance their level of enthusiasm with their level of alcohol consumption or they may end up in another category on this list. They pump their fists in the air and yell "play Freebird," no matter what band is on. They think they are being funny, but most concert goers are tired of hearing it. They dance like no one is watching, even though everyone is...everyone.

The Moshers

Every. Damn. Show, there is someone who wants to mosh. It doesn't matter if you're watching a Hall & Oates cover band, there is some short-haired punk in a sleeveless t-shirt, trying to push into people to "accidentally" incite a mosh pit. He makes sure to be in the designated mosh area (the pit) even though the show doesn't call for it. He starts by bumping into those around him if they show the slightest bit of enthusiasm. If he tempts you enough, you may try to shove him across the room, which is exactly what he wants. Don't do it!!

The Tweens

I don't want to sound negative about tweens. This is the age range where most people develop their inevitable loves for concerts and music festivals. They are barely old enough to be at the concert by themselves, if they are lucky enough to be alone. Some are chaperoned by their parents who are in the midsts of a full-on glory day binge. The tweens will attempt to escape the embarrassment they call their parents, armed with oversized cell phones with the displays turned all the way to the max. Most of the show, the tweens do not interact with one another unless they decide to go into selfie mode. They see approximately 36 seconds of the show, but capture the rest in their iClouds with pixelated images of the band being drowned out with lighting and horrible audio from being up next to the speakers.

The Hipsters

These fellas don't want to be anywhere near the tweens. They may enjoy casual conversation with the glory day folks, because they are the only ones who have been enjoying the band longer than they have. The hipsters liked the band wayyyyyy before they reached mainstream success. It's easy to spot these folks as they may actually find you first. When you show any enthusiasm for the band, or show any display of knowledge, they will be there to test you. "Oh, you kn